Spicy Escargo Buffet!
by InsanelyDramatic
Summary: A fierce Salamence gets long awaited vengeance. The M rating is merely for gratuitous coarse language (and some violence).


**Rated T for gratuitous swearing and mild gore. I am venting. Do not take this seriously. Forgive me.  
**

"Go, Maximus!"

He has been waiting for this his whole life. He has been training and battling with all of his heart to prepare for this moment. He stares his opponent right in its dull, mindless, evil eyes. He aches with rage and eagerness to rip apart the filthy, piece of shit Magcargo that is right in front of him. He must wait for his trainer's command.

Maximus is his name, and it means "Greatness". He is of Adamant nature, and he is a force to be reckoned with. He is also a Salamence, the strongest, fastest Salamence there ever was. His attack grows in strength with every fainted pokemon and rarely has he been beaten. When these few pokemon did, they paid for their _heinous_ crime by being faced with his teammates. They are quite formidable, but the defeat of all and any Magcargos, including and especially this one, has always been his destiny and his duty.

His desire for vengeance is as fierce and relentless as his dedicated trainer's. Now here he stands. Off to the side he sees his opponent's trainer, a Hiker whose name he does not know.

"Maximus, use Dragon Claw!"

Honestly, Maximus doesn't really give a shit what the ass-licking name is of the one who trained this horrid pokemon he's about to mur- defeat. He goes forth at the command and slashes the Magcargo viciously. Unfortunately, it does not faint, asshole of a thing it is.

"Magcargo, counter with Stone Edge!"

The Salamence takes a moment to think about how utterly unimpressive the Hiker's voice is. He then becomes enraged as sharp stones jab him in vulnerable areas. Rock is one of his greatest weaknesses, and he hates it. Unlike his grandfather and two of his [the grandfather's] teammates, whom the Hiker and Magcargo shamed deeply, he is able to endure.

He roars ferociously in monster language, which translates roughly to: Go fuck yourself!

"Take him out with Steel Wing, Maximus!"

So Maximus lunges forward with all his might and slices the Magcargo's head clean off with his sturdy, albeit bruised, wing. Maximus watches, pleased with himself, as its head plops to the ground wetly. Orange fluid spurts from its neck where the head was severed. The Hiker is completely stunned. Maximus pounces over to the body. He takes the head in his jaws and gulps it down noisily, before doing the same with the rest. He uses his powerful jaws to crush the shell, and he eats that too.

"You can't just-"

Maximus's head snaps up at the sound of the Hiker's voice, and he glares. The Hiker turns, throws his arms up and runs away screaming. The victorious Salamence chortles and flares his nostrils. His awesome trainer pats him on the head. This is not the end, however. It is _far_ from the end. His trainer climbs onto his back and off they go on a great quest.

* * *

The Salamence rages across the land committing genocide. However, no one can stop him. He slaughters and devours Magcargos all across the regions, happily ingesting their fiery, gooey goodness. He crushes each shell vigorously with his powerful front claws. No Magcargo can outrun him, those pieces of utter shit. He easily brutalizes Magcargo after Magcargo, crushing them into lifelessness with his powerful jaws. No one stops him. They are too afraid.

His vengeance will only end once every Magcargo that defaced the Kalos region, for this is the last region where he is eliminating the Magcargos. Along with Slugmas of course, for they are so weak and helpless he simply swallows them whole. It is a spicy sort of taste, tingling on his tongue and teeth. Valiantly he roars as he wreaks his ultimate vengeance on the pitiful, disgusting creatures that shamed his grandfather.

His grandfather was not the fastest or the strongest, but oh did he have heart. Bravely did the Salamence's grandfather stand beside his trainer and her pokemon team. Only, he was disheartened by a defeat. A defeat wrought by a pathetic Magcargo, and its horrible asshole move known as "Stone Edge". To Maximus, and his trainer, it makes no fucking sense how a Magcargo could have moved so fast or struck so hard, even by boosting its strength and speed, when a Salamence is so much more superior!

His grandfather may have been devastated and knocked out in one hit with Stone Edge, but Maximus is not so feeble. The move barely puts a scratch on his beautiful scales!

How dare it learn a TM so powerful! Maximus depends on his inner strength, not the strength of overpowered moves! He must reclaim his grandfather's honor, so that he may come out of hiding. This is what he is thinking of as he reaches his final destination. Finally, the last known Magcargo in existence is within his grasp and with all known Slugmas digested in his stomach, his grandfather will be able to be at peace.

As the last Magcargo in all the lands struggles in his grip, Maximus's eyes are bright with boundless joy. As the Magcargo sputters its last breath, Maximus consumes its body. Maximus raises his head and roars loudly for all to hear.

"Straight to hell with all of you disgusting assholes!"

Satisfied, he takes flight into the air, spouting flames as he does joyous loops in the air. How his grandfather would be so proud!


End file.
